


[S] Nott: Create group chat.

by piggy09



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Homestuck Fusion, Gen, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-14
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2020-01-13 01:08:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18458351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/piggy09/pseuds/piggy09
Summary: IT'S 4/13 AND THAT MEANS I'M LEGALLY ALLOWED TO MAKE A HOMESTUCK AU(No, you don't need to read Homestuck to understand it.)





	[S] Nott: Create group chat.

**Author's Note:**

> I came up with this AU this morning and then wrote this and then spent almost as much time making the HTML for this work. Augh.
> 
> [Here are the character introductions](http://sharkodactyl.tumblr.com/post/184162254314), if you want context. If you want context and don't know anything about Homestuck, that may be more tricky! Basically, they're all nocturnal humanoid aliens, a species called "trolls." This is their group chat. 
> 
> A quick glossary:
> 
> ALTERNIA: The planet we're on.  
> BULGE: It's a dick.  
> CLOWN CULTIST: A religious movement on Alternia -- basically if the ICP was a cult. So that's fun.  
> GANDERBULBS: Eyes!  
> HEMOSPECTRUM: Everyone's got a different color of blood and their blood color is their text color. It goes along the rainbow from red to purple. The closer to purple, the higher your class.  
> MIRTHFUL MESSIAHS: Clown gods.  
> MOIRAIL: Platonic life partner. Like a best friend that you're sort of married to. No kissing involved. Uses <> instead of <3.  
> PAILS/PAILING: Sex.  
> SCHOOLFEEDING: Learning.  
> TROLLS: People. They've got gray skin, yellow eyes, sharp teeth, and candy corn horns. Besides that they just look like people.  
> TROLLIAN: A chat platform. Like iMessage.

absintheTincture [AT] created GROUP TROLL.  
  
AT invited curiousCatamount [CC] to GROUP TROLL.  
  
AT invited abyssalCherub [AC] to GROUP TROLL.  
  
AT changed GROUP TROLL name to THE MIGHTY NEIN.  
  
AC responded to THE MIGHTY NEIN.  
  
AC: >>> HI NOTT!!! <<<  
AC: >>> wow this is so cool ive never been in a group troll before i didnt know trollian could do this!!! whos cc??? hi cc!!! <<<   
  
CC responded to THE MIGHTY NEIN.  
  
CC: [ Hello ]   
CC: [ Nott | You’ve | Misspelled | Nine ]  
CC: [ And | There | Are | Only | Three | Of | Us ]   
AT: $HUT UP MAYBE I DID AND MAYBE I DIDNT!  
AT: DOE$NT MATTER!  
AC: >>> i think its cool nott!!! <<<   
AT: THANK YOU, JE$TER.  
CC: [ I’m | Not | Saying | It | Isn’t | Cool | I’m | Just | Wondering | What | The | Purpose | Of | All | This | Is ]   
AT: CAYLEB, YOU NEED MORE FRIEND$.  
AT: AL$O JE$TER THI$ I$ CAYLEB AND CAYLEB THI$ I$ JE$TER.  
AT: AND IM NOTT!! $O WEVE $OLVED THAT ONE.  
AC: >>> HIIIIII CAYLEB!!!!!! <<<   
CC: [ Hello | Again ]  
CC: [ My | Name | Is | Cayleb | Widoga ]  
AC: >>> IM JESTER LAVORE!!!!!!!!! hi!!! <<<   
AT: THE REA$ONING BEHIND MY EXPERT DECI$ION TO MAKE A BOARD I$ THAT CAYLEB NEED$ MORE FRIEND$. JE$TER, YOU KNOW...EVERYONE. INVITE YOUR FRIEND$ TO MEET CAYLEB.  
AC: >>> !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh wow nott that is such a cool idea i know so many cool trolls here let me go invite them!!! you guys are going to be such good friends i knooow it!!! <<<   
CC: [ Nott | Thank | You | For | This | But | Are | You | Sure | It’s | The | Best | Idea ]   
AT: AB$OLUTELY.  
  
AC invited combatThrust [CT] to THE MIGHTY NEIN.  
  
AC invited captainAground [CA] to THE MIGHTY NEIN.  
  
AT: OH $HIT WAIT.  
  
AC invited tricksyTrionfi [TT] to THE MIGHTY NEIN.  
  
AC invited gentleTempest [GT] to THE MIGHTY NEIN.  
  
AT: JE$TER THAT$ ENOUGH TROLL$!!! THAT I$ DEFINITELY ENOUGH TROLL$ FOR NOW YOU CAN $TOP!  
  
AC invited abrinsAroma [AA] to THE MIGHTY NEIN.  
  
AC: >>> i thought you wanted to have nine in here nott!!! i mean if you dont thats totally cool i think were up to nine anyways so we did it!!! and now there are lots of friends for you and also for your cool friend cayleb who i like very much and who is also my friend now <<<   
CC: [ Ah ]  
CC: [ Thank | You ]  
CC: [ I | Think ]  
  
CT responded to THE MIGHTY NEIN.  
  
CT: what the FUCK !s up  
CT: who are you guys anyways  
CT: hey jester  
AC: >>> hi beau!!!!!!!!!!! <<<   
CC: [ My | Name | Is | Cayleb | Widoga ]  
CT: sup  
CT: no offense but l!ke  
CT: who are you  
CC: [ I | Just | Said ]  
  
CA responded to THE MIGHTY NEIN.  
  
CA: all due rrespect jesterr but i think you invited me to the wrrong grroup trroll  
CA: this dont look like a rroleplayin grroup  
CT: no th!s !s DEF!N!TELY a roleplay!ng group  
CT: whats your character  
AC: >>> BEAU YOU LIKE TO ROLEPLAY???????????? YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME WE COULD ROLEPLAY TOGETHER!!!!!!!! <<<   
CC: [ This | Is | Not | A | Roleplaying | Group ]  
CA: im just gonna head on out then  
CA: pleasurre  
  
CA has left THE MIGHTY NEIN.  
  
CC: [ And | Also ]  
AC: >>> CAPTAIN!!! NO!!! <<<   
  
AC invited CA to THE MIGHTY NEIN.  
  
AC: >>> DONT BE SUCH A BULGE <<<   
CT: no ! dont roleplay  
CT: ! d!dnt even know you roleplayed  
AC: >>> WELL I DO!!! AND ITS SUPER COOL AND FUN AND YOU SHOULD TRY IT!!! <<<   
CC: [ Who | Are | You | Trolls ]  
AT: CAYLEB IM $O $ORRY. YOURE TOO GOOD FOR THI$. IVE MADE A TERRIBLE MI$TAKE.  
CT: fuck YOU youre not too good for th!s  
CT: !m beau. just call me beau. and youre cayleb youve sa!d that l!ke s!x t!mes  
CT: jester whats l!ke...happen!ng here  
AC: >>> cayleb needs friends!!! hes super cool and fun to be around and very smart and my friend nott likes him and i like nott and i like cayleb!!! theyre both really cool and funny and nice and you should all be friends!!! <<<   
  
CA responded to THE MIGHTY NEIN.  
  
CA: jesterr come on now  
AC: >>> captain pleeeeeease youre so smart and you know so much about the ocean and stuff!!! i live in the ocean and i dont even know HALF the stuff you know about it <<<   
AC: >>> also like. no offense but you need more friends i think??? like no offense at all but you seem really lonely and youre like ALWAYS online so <<<   
CT: hahahahahahaha oh MAN  
AC: >>> shut up beau youre ALSO always online!!! <<<   
CT: no !m not  
CT: wa!t  
CT: am !  
AC: >>> a little bit you are yes <<<   
CT: sh!t  
  
TT responded to THE MIGHTY NEIN.  
  
TT: HELL[] ladies, gents, and []thers! seems like y[]u're having a hell []f a g[][]d time all by y[]urselves, but y[]u c[]uld make it a better []ne!  
TT: any[]ne want t[] talk ab[]ut the mirthful messiahs? blessed be their names, swagd[]pe be their gains.  
CT: jester you know a fuck!ng CULT!ST?  
AC: >>> yeah this is molly and hes SUPER COOL <<<   
TT: why, thank y[]u, i certainly am.  
CA: why the hell am i spendin my night talkin to a clown cultist, jesterr  
CA: whats goin on  
AC: >>> CAYLEB NEEDS FRIENDS IVE SAID THIS SOOOOOOO MANY TIMES CAPTAIN TUSKTOOTH <<<   
CA: you know thats not my name rright  
CT: wait !s that your roleplay name  
TT: jester, beautiful, what exactly IS happening here?  
AC: >>> MY FRIEND CAYLEB NEEDS MORE FRIENDS SO MY OTHER FRIEND NOTT TOLD ME TO INVITE YOU ALL TO TALK TO CAYLEB AND ALSO TO NOTT AND ALSO TO ME AND ALSO TO EACH OTHER UUUUGHHHH YOU ARE ALL SO STUUUUUPID SOMETIMES <<<  
AC: >>> LIKE YOU ARE ALL GREAT AND AMAZING BUT ALSO SO STUUUUUUPID <<<   
CA: and cc is cayleb  
CC: [ Hello | My | Name | Is | Cayleb | Widoga ]  
TT: charmed. i'm m[]lmak teleef, call me m[]lly, every[]ne d[]es.  
TT: really, th[]ugh. y[]u interested in the righte[]us w[]rd? []r are we just a bunch []f assh[]les yelling at each []ther?  
AC: >>> oh definitely the second one molly absolutely for sure <<<   
TT: excellent.  
CT: !m beau and ! have to say ! am EXTREMELY not down to hear the r!ghteous bullsh!t  
CT: creeps me out  
CA: im fyorrd  
CA: DONT say that on the forrums, jesterr  
AC: >>> i would NEVER!!! also hi im jester you all knew that but i wanted to say it again anywaaays <<<   
TT: there are f[]rums? what s[]rt of f[]rums.  
AC: >>> ROLEPLAYING FORUMS!!! do you want to roleplay with us molly it would be SO much fun to have you there it would just be like a big game of pretend and you like pretending!!! <<<   
TT: hmmmmm. i'll c[]nsider it.  
AC: >>> YESSSSSSSS <<<   
CA: you alrright cayleb? forr the guest of honorr you surre havent said all that much  
AT: HE$ FINE! HE$ JU$T A VERY $LOW TYPER AND WE ALL LOVE HIM FOR IT ANYWAY$!  
AT: IF YOU DONT LOVE HIM FOR IT I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND I WILL KILL YOU! PLATONICALLY! JU$T TO LET YOU KNOW.  
CT: well that  
CT: escalated  
CA: wasnt plannin on makin fun of him, ms/mrr/mx...  
AT: OH IM NOTT AND IM A GREENBLOOD AND THAT$ ALL THERE I$ TO $AY ABOUT THAT!!  
CC: [ I | Am | Alright, | Thank | You | For | Asking ]  
AC: >>> good cayleb im glad!!! <<<   
CC: [ This | Is | Just | A | Lot | To | Process ]  
AC: >>> anyways we are all your friends now!!! so if you need more trolls to talk to who aren't your ~*~*~MOIRAIL~*~*~ like nott then you can totally chat with any of us at any time because were all awake, all the time <<<   
CC: [ All | At | Once, | You | Know ]  
AC: >>> even during the day if you want!!! caduce isnt awake right now because its night time but hes awake aaaaall daaaaaay planting flowers and killing zombies and stuff, so if you have daymares you can totally talk to him totally and hell help you calm down <<<  
AC: >>> not that i have daymares or anything!!! but if you do, i mean <<<  
AC: >>> he is very nice!!! hes not an asshole like beau or molly <<<   
CT: hey  
TT: i think it's fair.  
CT: ! mean ! GUESS but she d!dnt have to say !t  
AC: >>> love you beau!!! you are an asshole and also my friend <<<   
CT: yeah love you too or whatever  
TT: t[]uching.  
CT: fuck off  
CC: [ Thank | You | Jester ]  
AC: >>> of course!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <<<   
CC: [ I | Think | I | Am | Going | To | Go | To | Sleep | Now | Actually ]  
CT: dude the suns barely up, come on  
CT: wheres your sense of adventure  
AT: IF CAYLEB WANT$ TO GO TO $LEEP LET HIM GO TO $LEEP!  
AT: GOOD DAY, CAYLEB.   
CC: [ I | Am | A | Little | Overwhelmed | By | All | Of | This | But | Very | Grateful ]  
CC: [ Good | Day | Nott ]  
CC: [ <> ]  
AT: YEAH YEAH <> YOU BIG $OFTY  
  
CC is no longer online!  
  
AT: UGH THAT WA$ $O GRO$$. NO ONE LOOK.  
AC: >>> nott it was so cuuuuuuuuuute <<<   
AC: >>> molly wheres your moirail!!! <<<   
CT: yeah, MOLLY, wheres your mo!ra!l  
TT: if y[]u must kn[]w, she's driving the wag[]n. we're trying t[] get east bef[]re the sunlight gets t[][] harsh and st[]ps us f[]r the day.  
CA: yallve got a wagon?  
TT: []h, we abs[]lutely d[]. why? w[]uld y[]u like t[] see it?  
CT: no  
CA: i might, yeah  
TT: well, d[]xx y[]urself then, captain.  
CA: ah  
CA: yeah, no thanks  
AT: $MART! $TAY VIGILANT! ALWAY$ ON THE MOVE! NEVER TRU$TING ANYONE! I LIKE THE WAY YOU THINK, CAPTAIN.  
CA: i mean, i didnt say any of that, but thanks  
AC: >>> you can trust molly!!! i saw his wagon once it was soooooo great and he pulled tarot cards for me and stuff and he TOTALLY saw my WHOLE future it was so cool and exciting <<<   
TT: see? i'm perfectly trustw[]rthy.  
CT: uh huh  
CA: im surre you arre, and thats a temptin offerr, but maybe not tonight  
CA: i think im gonna head out forr now  
AC: >>> captain do you want to continue our.....................................................................scene??? <<<   
CA: fkjhsdjkhjkshdjhgjh JESTERR  
AC: >>> im just ASKING!!! because we totally can i have some GREAT ideas about what we could do together and we could even do it TONIGHT if you wanted <<<   
AT: WAIT. WHAT KIND OF $CENE.  
CA: bye yall  
AT: YOU DID NOT AN$WER MY QUE$TION, CAPTAIN $U$PICIOU$!!  
AC: >>> bye everyone!!! have fun!!! beau and molly be nice!!! say hi to caduce if he wakes up and say hi to yashua if she joins the chat and tell them how cool they are and how cool you all are good moooooorning everyone!!! <<<   
CT: holy sh!t you absolute fuck!ng legends youre gonna go f!ll your cyberpa!ls  
CT: ! mean, good on you  
TT: hats []ff.  
AT: THI$ I$ THE GRO$$E$T THING IVE EVER $EEN I CANT BELIEVE YOU COULD HAVE $HOWN THI$ TO CAYLEB$ $EN$ITIVE GANDERBULB$ IM LEAVING  
  
AT is no longer online!  
  
CT: wh  
CT: wa!t  
CT: dont leave me here w!th the C!RCUS DUDE  
TT: d[]n't be s[] upset! i think n[]w's the PERFECT time t[] get some g[][]d []ld fashi[]ned sch[][]lfeeding.  
CT: oh FUCK no  
  
CT is no longer online!  
  
TT: w[]rks every time.  
TT: yashua, darling, whenever y[]u check y[]ur ph[]ne: this is a c[]llecti[]n []f terrible idi[]ts and i enj[]y them quite a bit, we sh[]uld stay.  
TT: i'm g[]ing t[] get s[]me beauty sleep.  
  
  
TT is no longer online!  
  
  
CA is no longer online!  
  
  
GT responded to THE MIGHTY NEIN.  
  
GT: (um,) (hello)  
GT: (my name is yashua)  
GT: (i'm sorry i missed all of the many things you were all talking about)  
GT: (but i'm sure it would have been really nice to meet all of you)  
GT: (i mean)  
GT: (if we talk again,) (which we probably will,) (i'm sure that will be very nice)  
GT: (yes)  
GT is no longer online!  
  
  
AC is no longer online!  
  
  
AA responded to THE MIGHTY NEIN.  
AA: ...well...  
AA: ...i sure...did miss...a lot...  
AA: ...wow...  
AA: ...i think...i'm going...to like...you all...  
AA: ...anyone want...some tea?...  
AA: ...not now...ha ha...you're all...asleep...  
AA: ...but in...the future...  
AA: ...i'm sure...we'll all...meet in...the middle...  
AA: ...and eventually...we'll all...be such...good friends...  
  
AA is no longer online!

**Author's Note:**

> WOW I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU MADE IT THROUGH THAT WHOLE THING. THANK YOU! Thanks for indulging my hyperfixated mess. Let me know if I messed any of the HTML up or if there's inconsistencies in typing quirks or anything!
> 
> Thank you very much for reading! Please kudos + comment if you enjoyed!


End file.
